The Official Language

1. For your information, please. (FYI) 
Meaning: I don't know what to do with this, so please keep it. 

2. Noted and returned. 
Meaning: I don't know what to do with this, so please keep it little while. 

3. Review and comment. 
Meaning: Do the dirty work so that I can forward it. 

4. Action please. 
Meaning: Get yourself involved for me. Don't worry, I'll claim the credit. 

5. For your necessary action. 
Meaning: It's your headache now. 

6. Copy to. 
Meaning: Here's a share of my headache. 

7. For your approval, please. 
Meaning: Put your neck on the chopping board for me please. 

8. Action is being taken. 
Meaning: Your correspondence is lost and I am trying to locate it. 

9. Your letter is receiving our attention. 
Meaning: I am trying to figure out what you want. 

10. Please discuss. 
Meaning: I don't know what the hell this is, so please brief me. 

11. For your immediate action. 
Meaning: Do it NOW! Or I will get into serious trouble. 

12. Please reply soon. 
Meaning: Please be efficient. It makes me look inefficient. 

13. We are investigating/ processing your request with the relevant authorities. 
Meaning: They are causing the delay, not us. 

14. Regards. 
Meaning: Thanks and bless you for reading all the crap.