Monday, July 25, 2011

Understanding the Customer ....

Man: "My wife is going to commit suicide from a window of your hotel.... please come fast!".

Manager: "Sorry sir, its your personal matter."

Man: "Hurry .. you idiot..., the window is NOT opening !!!


Mr. Patel, who had been called to testify at the Income Tax Department , asked his accountant Mr. Shah for advice on what to wear on the occasion.  "Wear your shabbiest clothing.  Let him think you are a pauper", the accountant replied.  Then he asked his Lawer, Mr. Bhatt, the same question, but got the opposite advice. " Don't let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie."
Confused, Mr. Patel went to his pundit, Mr. Joshi and told him of the contradictory advice and requested some resolution on the dilemma.
"Let me tell you a story". Replied the Pundit Joshi.  "A girl about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night and she waid 'wear a heavy Punjabi suit with a nice long Dupatta.' But when she asked her best friend, she got an opposite advice, 'Wear your most revealing negligee with a plunging neckline.'
Confused and irritated Mr. Patel asked, "What does all this have to do with my problem with the Income Tax Department ?"
"Simple", replied Pundit Joshi, "It doesn't matter what you wear, your are anyways going to get screwed !"

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Mulla Nasruddin

Nasrudin walked into a shop one day, and the owner came forward to serve him.
Nasrudin said, "First things first. Did you see me walk into your shop?"
"Of course."
"Have you ever seen me before?"
"Then how do you know it was me?"

Friday, July 8, 2011

7 Funniest Contradictory Words

1. Clearly Misundrstood
2. Exact Estimate

3. Small Crowd

4. Act Naturally

5. Found Missing

6. Fully Empty

7. Happily Married

Saturday, July 2, 2011


There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appears. Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, and then your wish will
come true."

 The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted "WINE". The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine.  The Frenchman was so happy swimming and drinking from the pool.

 Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka.
 The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER".  He was so contented with his beer pool.

 The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "SH**!!!!!!!.........IT"

 Mind your language; you never know what it will land you in


 A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he stopped and offered her a lift which she gladly accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg.

 The priest had a look and nearly had an accident.
 After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun
 looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember psalm 129?"
 The priest was flustered and apologized profusely.

 He forced himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his
 eyes from her leg.

 Further on, while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
 The nun once again said, "Father, remember psalm 129?"

 Once again the priest apologized. "Sorry sister, but the mind is weak."
 Arriving at the convent, the nun got out, gave him a meaningful glance
 and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to
 retrieve a bible and looked up psalm 129.

 It Said, "Go forth and seek; further up, you will find glory."
 Always be well informed in your job; or, you might miss great Opportunities!