Little Knowledge is a Funny Thing

A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible.

Afgani Joke

I was walking down the road today and saw my Afghani neighbour, Abdul, standing on his fifth floor apartment balcony shaking a carpet.

I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"

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A Gujrati Joke

An (Bahraini) Arab was admitted in the Lilavati Hospital at Mumbai for a heart transplant, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood in case need arises.

South Indian Joke

Two South Indian men get on a bus. As it is not possible in India not to talk to the next person in the bus, these guys also sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

Reasons why children are adorable

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.

The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'

Thief Catcher

A machine was invented in Japan to catch thieves & was sent all around the world for display.

In US : in 40 minutes, it caught 20 thieves.

In UK : in 30 minutes, it caught 35 thieves.

In Russia : in 20 minutes, it caught 40 thieves.

In India : in 15 minutes, the machine was stolen !!!

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Why husbands avoid answers!!!

Why husbands avoid answers!!!

WIFE: 'What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
HUSBAND: 'Definitely not!
WIFE: 'Why not? Don't you like being married?'

Reincarnation

Jason came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk (as he often did) and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave his wife a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.
When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. 
“Who the hell are you?” Demanded Jason, “and what are you doing in my bedroom?”.
 The mysterious Man answered, “This isn’t your bedroom and

Divert Your Course!

ACTUAL transcript of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. This radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on 10-10-95.

Americans: “Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.”

Canadians: “Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.”

Bullshit Bingo

Bono of Contention

Bono, the lead singer of the rock band U2, is famous throughout the Entertainment industry for being more than just a little self-righteous.

At a recent U2 concert in Glasgow he asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds.

Driving in India - Tip #8

The trucks are more visible during the daytime, except that the drivers will never show any signal. (And you must watch for the absent signals - they are a greater threat). Only, you will often observe that the cleaner that sits next to the driver, will project his hand and wave hysterically. This is definitely not to be construed as a signal for a left turn. The waving is just an expression of physical relief on a hot day. 

Occasionally you might see what looks like an UFO with blinking coloured lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans or hymns. This pilgrims go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the Almighty, often meeting with success.

Driving in India - Tip #7

Night driving on Indian roads can be an exhilarating experience (for those with the mental make-up of Genghis Khan). 
In a way, it is like playing Russian roulette because you do not know who amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks like premature dawn on the horizon turns out to be a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it, just pull partly into the field adjoining the road until the phenomenon passes. Our roads do not have shoulders, but occasional boulders. Do not blink your lights expecting reciprocation. The only dim thing in the truck is the driver, and the peg of illicit arrack he has had at the last stop, his total cerebral functions add up to little more than a nought. 
Truck drivers are the James Bonds of India and they are licensed to kill. Often you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six feet above the ground. This is not a super motor-bike, but a truck approaching you with a single light on, usually the left one. It could be the right one, but never get too close to investigate. You may prove your point posthumously. Of course, all this occurs at night, on the trunk roads.

Bijness is Bijness

In a school in London, a teacher said to a class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give 10 pounds to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived."

An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick."
The teacher said, "Sorry Paddy, that's not correct."