Little Knowledge is a Funny Thing

A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible.

I Fuckin' Love Coloring

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A Gujrati Joke

An (Bahraini) Arab was admitted in the Lilavati Hospital at Mumbai for a heart transplant, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood in case need arises.

South Indian Joke

Two South Indian men get on a bus. As it is not possible in India not to talk to the next person in the bus, these guys also sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

Wife is a wife

A Wife is a Wife,
no matter who
THE HELL
you are!!

Reincarnation

Jason came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk (as he often did) and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep.

He gave his wife a peck on the cheek and fell asleep.
When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. 
“Who the hell are you?” Demanded Jason, “and what are you doing in my bedroom?”.
 The mysterious Man answered, “This isn’t your bedroom and

Bullshit Bingo

Bono of Contention

Bono, the lead singer of the rock band U2, is famous throughout the Entertainment industry for being more than just a little self-righteous.

At a recent U2 concert in Glasgow he asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds.

Driving in India - Tip #8

The trucks are more visible during the daytime, except that the drivers will never show any signal. (And you must watch for the absent signals - they are a greater threat). Only, you will often observe that the cleaner that sits next to the driver, will project his hand and wave hysterically. This is definitely not to be construed as a signal for a left turn. The waving is just an expression of physical relief on a hot day. 

Occasionally you might see what looks like an UFO with blinking coloured lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans or hymns. This pilgrims go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the Almighty, often meeting with success.

Driving in India - Tip #7

Night driving on Indian roads can be an exhilarating experience (for those with the mental make-up of Genghis Khan). 
In a way, it is like playing Russian roulette because you do not know who amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks like premature dawn on the horizon turns out to be a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it, just pull partly into the field adjoining the road until the phenomenon passes. Our roads do not have shoulders, but occasional boulders. Do not blink your lights expecting reciprocation. The only dim thing in the truck is the driver, and the peg of illicit arrack he has had at the last stop, his total cerebral functions add up to little more than a nought. 
Truck drivers are the James Bonds of India and they are licensed to kill. Often you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six feet above the ground. This is not a super motor-bike, but a truck approaching you with a single light on, usually the left one. It could be the right one, but never get too close to investigate. You may prove your point posthumously. Of course, all this occurs at night, on the trunk roads.

Driving in India - Tip #4

Don't stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants to cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back. Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is moving slowly or had come to a dead stop because some minister is in town. Still some idiot may try to wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of the dead.

Driving in India - Tip #3

Most Drivers don't drive, but just aim their vehicles in the intended direction.

Don't you get discouraged or underestimate yourself.

Except for a belief in reincanation, the other drivers are not in any better position.

Driving in India - Tip #2

To drive in India, you must trust your instincts, ascertain the direction and proceed. Adherence to road rules leads to much misery and occasional fatality. 

Driving In India - a Few Tips

For the benefit of every Tom, Dick and Harry visiting India and daring to drive on Indian roads, I will be offering a few hints for survival in the coming days. These survival tips are applicable to every place in India except Bihar, where life outside a vehicle is only marginally safer.

When driving in India, one should always remember that Indian road-rules broadly operate within the domain of karma where you do your best, and leave the results to your insurance company.